Anxiously Unfiltered

A weekend alone with my three kids should feel like a Hallmark movie. You know—bonding, laughter, meaningful one-on-one time. What it actually feels like is running a small, chaotic startup where everyone is hungry, someone is always mad, and the CEO (me) hasn’t slept.

By the end of the night, I’m exhausted, irritable, burnt out… and quietly counting down the minutes until it’s time for them to go to their dad’s. And then—bam—the mom guilt hits. Because what kind of mother looks forward to silence? Apparently, this one.

Divorce has changed me as a mom in ways I didn’t expect. Before, I was that mom. Custom birthday invitations. Matching party favors. All the Christmas activities. Full commitment to Halloween costumes. Birthdays were magical productions, complete with Pinterest-worthy details and probably unnecessary stress.

Then divorce happened. And somewhere between budgeting, surviving, and figuring out life on my own, the magic fizzled a bit. That sounds awful to admit—but it’s true.

Suddenly, time and money mattered in a way they never had before. Birthday parties got smaller. Decorations got simpler. And guess what? My kids didn’t care. Not one bit. They didn’t miss the custom invites or the elaborate favors. They just wanted their friends, some cake, and permission to run wild.

(Also, having all boys helped. Let’s be honest.)

It was a huge relief—and also a little sad. Letting go of the “perfect mom” version of myself felt like a loss. But it also forced me to realize something important: it’s okay to stop keeping up. It’s okay to choose what you can handle mentally. It’s okay to do less.

Divorce is hard. Parenting alone is hard. Holidays are hard. Birthdays are hard. And feeling guilty for wanting a break from the people you love most is really hard.

If this resonates with you, I see you. You’re not failing. You’re surviving. And you’re definitely not alone.

Sometimes the magic isn’t in the decorations or the traditions—it’s in showing up, even when you’re tired, touched out, and counting down to bedtime.

And that counts.